Miley Cyrus video, how tall is Lebron James, travel, sex, money, Motorola Atrix, Srikrishna Report, puppies, Taylor Lautner shirtless.

This past semester, I’ve become a pretty avid blog reader.  I only read the good ones, and you know what these have in common?  Book deals.  So now, that is my goal.  Sure, maybe the longest paper I’ve ever written is 20 pages (I am a business major after all, and time is money), but how much harder can a book be?  I could totally live the life of book tours coupled with appearances on the Today Show.  It’s still a little unclear as to what my book would be about.  Perhaps how not to be an idiot with an international/travel twist: Like – don’t get your shit stolen in Spain.  Don’t eat weird food in China.  Don’t eat weird food in Peru.  Don’t eat weird food anywhere.  Brush up on your Spanish so that you don’t accidentally say “ass” when you mean “mosquito” – Isn’t “mosquito" already Spanish?  Don’t reinforce stereotypes of loud, abrasive Americans by acting like, well… me.

After all of this blog reading (I call it “research”), I’ve come to find out that my blog, well, sucks.  I mean really sucks.  I have 13 followers.  13.  Sometimes, I wonder why I even bother.  My only angle is “funny” and we all know Kristen’s the funny one (courtesy of Boyd Street Cribs).  I googled “how to become rich and famous through a blog,”  Really, I did.  And I found out you have to provide “meaningful content” to your readers. They went on to say that your blog has to be interesting to more people than your mom and your cat.  Welp, I don’t have a cat so it looks like we’re in business.  It also said to not write about yourself all the time, but I feel like that’s just a step backwards.  I could write about someone else doing stupid stuff, being awkward, putting their foot in their mouth, etc., but that’s just kind of mean.  I have to promote myself on facebook (done!), twitter (don’t know how to use it), and other social media.  My post titles have to be designed to be hits on search engines.  Now this just sounds like an awful lot of work.  But I imagine my future book editor will want me to be hard working.  So I’ll give it a shot.

So in keeping with this theme, today's post title includes some of the top Google today + some buzz words (“these are my confessions”: that last one is just my top Google shirt.  Team Jacob all the way).  I am going to get thousands upon thousands of page hits now! … Give or take.

Now for meaningful content:

All the “great” travel blogs have one thing in common “Top Lists:” Top 10 Romantic Getaways, 5 Best Restaurants in Paris, 10 Ways to Travel Cheaply, 20 Things You Can’t Leave Home Without.

Well readers, in an effort to improve the local economy by rendering it an international tourist destination, I give you the Top 7 Things to Do in Piura, Peru:  the best kept secret of the continent to our south.

Top 5 Things to Do in Piura

1.  Go to Mass.  We go to Mass everyday at Santisimo (because, well, we live there).  And it’s great.  When Padre Jose sings back up to “senor ten piedad de nosotros (de nossssoootrros), I can’t help but smile.  Love it.  He even says the homily in English for us too. I get to sit with my family and giggle incessantly. I make faces at the altar boys throughout the whole Mass and it makes them really uncomfortable.  And you know, the miracle of transsubstantion is cool too.

2.  Visit the hospice.  The hospice really is a fantastic place.  There is nothing else like it in Piura.  Really, hospice care is uncommon because looking after the elderly is generally considered the responsibility of the family.  The hospice has one person in particular who warms my heart: Felix.I’ve spent many an afternoon with him: chatting, listening to the radio, eating lunch, praying.  He makes fantastic company.  I could write an entire post about Felix.  In fact, I might do that but for now – just a couple of photos:

I gave Felix a copy of this picture and he has it on his bulletin board now =)

 We came to the hospice our first day, and this is where I found Felix, sitting in the shade of the chapel.  Our reunion was like one of those moments where two people run through a field with arms extended to embrace and greet each other. Except I was the only one running, but we were both equally excited.

3.  Ice cream!!! El Chalan is the best (and I recently found out, there’s THREE of them in Piura!).  The security guard is in love with me (I’m a frequent visitor) and it’s a treat for everyone involved.  The other day, we made 2 trips in one day for ice cream.  Worth it.  The walk there and back is pleasant as well.  All around good time.

4.  La hora loca.  Words cannot express my love for La Hora Loca.  It is the ultimate fiesta of all fiestas.  It’s the closest thing to a rave that I’ve ever experienced.  Unfortunately, I did not get to experience La Hora Loca on this trip, but it still makes my top list.

Insanity. 

5.  Enjoy a Sunday in San Jacinto/La Legua and Catacaos.

6.  Go the market.  Yes, there are markets in every South American city and they all offer about the same fare.  Does anything stick out particularly about Piura’s.  Probably not.  But the sights, sounds (and smells) are truly fascinating.   Fantastic for both people watching and getting pick pocketed.  My kind of place.  One time, Ginet sent Katherine, Mary (both high schoolers) and I along with Victor (15 years old) to the market with 600 soles ($200) instructing us to buy stuff for the orphanage. OOOKKKK.  Talk about pressure.  This time, I had a fight with a shelf that we were carrying through the market, and the shelf won.  Now I carry the battle wounds with me.

Market pic from last summer (but for all you know, it was taken this week)

After the shelf attacked me.  I shed my blood, sweat, and tears for Piura.

7.  Go to the movies.  Can you do this anywhere in the world? Yes.  But they have a rockin arcade! And a cool food court with a bomb chicken restaurant.  And the drinks are huge!  And when you take precious children to their first movie ever – it’s really something.  More than the movie or the arcade, the children LOVE the escalator.   The mom of our family always takes the stairs because she is super frightened of the elevator.

For most Top (insert cool thing here) lists, it’s usually nice round numbers like 5 or 10.  But you see, I had too many for 5, and Piura doesn’t really offer 10.   So we’re going to stick with 7.